ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
