I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
