I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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