It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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