I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
