somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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