So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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