She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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