my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dont even know how to be here
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
