"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
