You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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