Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
