I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
