i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
