yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
