Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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