Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
