How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
