Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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