bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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