I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
