Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
