grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
