I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
