The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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