I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
