Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize