why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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