She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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