Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
