You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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