does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
