i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize