Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
