Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
