can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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