Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
