I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
