dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
