he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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