please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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