when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
