it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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