My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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