I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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