woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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