Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
