I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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