somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was born a porn star she said
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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