I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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