It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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