Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
