I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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