omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
