capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
