I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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