At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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