I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
