spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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