Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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