I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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