When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
