she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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