What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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