Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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