Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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