My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
