you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
