this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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