There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
