Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
