I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize