I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
only you would photoshop your dick
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
